CORPORATE SEARCH
To find a local Corporate Fitness Provider and view the video profile, just follow the simple 2 step process and search.

>> Advanced Search

Health Club Diary
By: Brad Sheppard

I know that you may have already read the following story, but every time someone sends it to me it simply cracks me up! It seems like there seems to be a small connection with this story with a lot of our clients! Don’t let this story put you off if you haven’t yet started with us! Read & enjoy!

Health Club Diary

For Christmas this year, my wife (the love of my life) purchased a week of personal training sessions at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since playing on my high school rugby team, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Sunshine, who identified herself as a 26 year old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My wife seemed pleased with my surprising enthusiasm to get started.

Sunshine encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress...

Monday:
Started my day at 6:00 AM. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well
worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Sunshine waiting for me.
She is something of a goddess with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling
white smile!!!) Sunshine gave me a tour and showed me the machines. She took
my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. She was alarmed that my pulse
was so fast, but I attribute it to standing next to her in her aerobic outfit.
(I thoroughly enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her
aerobics class after my own workout today. Very inspiring. :)
Sunshine was very encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around.
This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!

Tuesday:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out of the door.
Sunshine made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air... then she put weights on it!! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I
made the full mile. Sunshine's rewarding smile made it all worth while. I feel
GREAT!!! It's a whole new life for me.
Wednesday:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the
counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. Sunshine was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered the other club members. (Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning, and I hadn't noticed that when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is quite annoying.) My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Sunshine put me on the stair monster, er, master. (Why in HELL would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators?) Sunshine told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other shit too.

Thursday:
Sunshine was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin,
cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I explained that I couldn't help being a half hour late. It took that long for me to tie my shoes. Sunshine took me to work out with dumbbells. When she wasn't looking, I ran and hid in the men's room. She sent Sven in to find me. As punishment, she put me on the rowing machine... which I sank.

Friday:
I hate that BITCH Sunshine more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world - Prissy, pretentious, stupid,
skinny, anaemic little cheerleader-wanna-be BITCH. If there was a part of
my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.
Sunshine wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps. And if you
don't want dents in the damn floor, don't hand me fucking barbells or anything
that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on
a Health and P.E. teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like
the Drama coach or the Choir director?

Saturday:
Sunshine left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrill,
piercing little voice, wondering why I did not show up today? Just hearing
her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked
the strength even to use the TV remote and ended up watching eleven straight
hours of the weather channel.

Sunday:
I'm having the church van pick me up for services today so I can go and
thank God that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my wife
(the other BITCH) will choose a gift for me that is fun... like a root
canal or a vasectomy!

Peak Physique Personal Training – Brisbane – Australia
Suite 310/421 Brunswick Street, Fortitude Valley, 4006
P - 0412-999-656 E – Brad@Peak-Physique.com
F – 07 3254-1996 W – www.Peak-Physique.com


Added: 14-10-2011